Parental alienation is a controversial theory that involves one parent brainwashing the children to turn against the other parent. Depending on who you ask, it is either a valid concept that should be included in the DSM V, or a pseudo-concept based on the biases of the culture. We will be discussing parental alienation, not as a psychological theory but rather as a tactic family lawyers see in their practice of law during custody disputes.

Most parents want to resolve disputes with their co-parent amicably. They rely on one another to raise their children. But it sometimes happens that one parent will have so much animosity toward the other parent that they badmouth that parent in front of their children. The children pick up on negative language and start acting as if the alienated parent is a bad person. They may refuse to see the parents or not talk to them during visitation. We can say that this child has been the victim of parental alienation.

Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome

The term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS) was coined by Dr. Richard Gardner, an American psychiatrist. He defined the syndrome as:

“a childhood disorder that arises almost exclusively in the context of child custody disputes. It is a disorder in which children, programmed by the allegedly “loved” parent, embark upon a campaign of denigration of the allegedly “hated” parent. The children exhibit little if any ambivalence over their hatred, which often spreads to the extended family of the allegedly despised parent (“Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children,” Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 28, nos. 3-4 [1998])

Gardner believes that parental alienation described the child's “campaign of denigration” against one of their parents. This campaign of denigration is encouraged by the other parent. It's important to understand that there is no parental alienation when abuse or neglect is present. PAS only applies when the “hated” parent has not abused or neglected the children or exhibited behavior that would justify the child's animosity. 

Parental alienation, on the other hand, is a strategy. The strategy is aimed at intentionally characterizing the other parent as a villain so that the child will turn against them. The purpose of the strategy is to damage the child's relationship with the other parent.

Signs of parental alienation

Custody evaluators look for a variety of descriptors concerning the targeted parent and the alienating parent. These descriptors include:

• The child expresses a relentless hatred for the targeted parent.

• The child's language parrots the language of the alienating parent.

• The child will reject visitation sessions with the targeted parent. 

• Many of the child's beliefs are enmeshed with the alienating parent. 

• Many of the child's beliefs are delusional or irrational. 

• The child's reasons do not stem from direct experiences but rather what they have been told by the alienating parent. 

• The child has no ambivalence. They have no ability to see the good in their parent. 

• The child has no capacity to feel guilty about their behavior toward the alienated parent. 

• The child and alienated parent are in lockstep to denigrate the targeted parent. 

• When asked about the alienated parent, it triggers the child's hatred. The child appears otherwise normal. 

The impact of parental alienation on children

As defined by Gardner and others, parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse that leads to parental alienation syndrome. The potential impact of parental alienation on a child's life can be devastating. Some frequently listed effects of parental alienation include:

• Impaired ability to establish and maintain future relationships

• The child's self-image is lowered

• The child loses self-respect

• The child develops guilt, anxiety, and depression over their role in destroying their relationship with a previously loved parent

• Lack of impulse control

• Educational problems

• Disruptions in school

How to prove parental alienation in court

In a child custody case, you will need to provide evidence to the court that parental alienation has occurred. This includes presenting evidence that the alienating parent is engaging in behavior meant to disrupt the parent-child relationship between you and your child. This is generally a painful and difficult process, with accusations being hurled in both directions. 

If you bring parental alienation to the attention of the court, the other parent generally defends themselves by saying that they're justified in keeping your child from you. They can allege that you are not fit to care for the child or you cannot provide a safe environment for the child. You will need to provide evidence that not only shows that the parent's behavior is unjustified but also that you are fully capable of parenting your children. 

Evidence of parental alienation can include testimony concerning the alienating parent's behavior. It could also involve written communications such as emails or text messages, pictures, videos, and other evidence. This includes:

• Witnesses - Witnesses can provide direct evidence that a parent is attempting to bad-mouth the other parent to the children. Such statements are admissible as evidence in a family court case. 

• Social media - Social media can provide some of the best evidence of parental alienation. The best evidence you can produce is the words and conduct of the alienating parent. You can also potentially find evidence on your child's social media pages. 

Is parental alienation illegal in California?

There is no statute that directly covers parental alienation. However, there is a statute that covers emotional abuse and emotional damage: 

“A child who is suffering serious emotional damage, or is at substantial risk of suffering serious emotional damage, evidenced by severe anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or untoward aggressive behavior toward self or others, as a result of the conduct of the parent or guardian.” W.I.C. §300 subd. (c) 2000 [Welfare and Institutions Code].

Talk to a Sacramento Divorce Lawyer Today

If you suspect that your former spouse is attempting to alienate your children from you, you need to bring that up to your divorce attorney so that they can aggressively advocate on your behalf. Call the Sacramento, California, family law attorneys at Wagner Family Law today to schedule an appointment, and we can address your concerns immediately.